We Only Matter If...

There are many times when I don't feel like what I do is enough.  I feel as if I have to validate my actions every day.  I don't have to.  God knows that what I do is all I can do.  He also knows when to tell me I should do something.  This article speaks to my insecurities.  

We only matter if...

Somewhere along the line I think many of us buy into a lie that we only matter if … We only matter if we are strong or smart or attractive or whatever.

Wise words from Donald Miller in his new book Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy.

I knew I had to read the book when I read the entire title. 
I also knew I had to read it when one of my clients mentioned it to me. 

She said, “[Don] talks about all the ways we try and hide our shame. I really want to go where [God] is calling and know how He wants to use all the pain of my past for His glory in my current set of circumstances. Hopefully I’ll be brave enough…”

More wise words.

Why is it that most of us believe the lie that deep down we are not enough?

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That we only matter if we are braver, smarter, or … skinner?

Don writes, “Applause is a quick fix. And love is an acquired taste.”

What if whom or what we’re searching for requires work? Real work?

I don’t know about you but when I feel threatened or exhausted or confused, I almost always retreat. I sometimes view relationships as disposable or as a means to an end when things go south. In my fear or shame or selfishness I hide.

Don writes, “It was the idea I could see a person as disposable. I knew I’d have to know myself and be known. These weren’t only terrifying prospects, they were foreign. I didn’t know how to do either. And the stakes were high. I was going to have to either learn to be healthy or I’d spend the rest of my life pretending. It was either intimacy or public isolation.”

I remember making a very public transition from full time work to full time writing. It was exhausting. And lonely. I didn’t realize how un-healthy I was until Marc came into my life. I realized the applause I was seeking wasn’t what my heart longed for. It was never enough. I craved intimacy. I wanted to be loved and to love in return.

Don writes, “The downside of being a writer is you get plenty of time to overthink your life … I’d have to trust that my flaws were the ways through which I would receive grace. Grace only sticks to our imperfections. Those who can’t accept their imperfections can’t accept grace either.”

I love that. 
Grace only sticks to our imperfections. 
Don continues,

Am I willing to be hurt occasionally and turn the other cheek in order to have a long-term, healthy relationship?

If I’m honest, the answer isn’t always yes. Sometimes I need a cooling off period. Other times, I need to really look at my own face in the mirror, fix myself, and then go and sin no more (James 1:21-25).

Don had to come to the realization that his fiancé—now wife—wasn’t out to get him. I’ve also had to come to that own realization that trust is worth risking in relationships—even if that means getting hurt.

Question: What is holding you back from believing that you matter? Did it come from within or something someone said to you? Why?

I hope this helps someone.  We all matter.  God doesn't make mistakes.

Sincerely,

Renée M.